images from a walk to library mall

[eirias]

The air smelled like shit as I left Brogden. This is maybe the fifth time this has happened in the last few weeks. I'm not sure whether this is manure season, so I start to wonder idly if maybe I'm having an aura of some kind. I've never really considered the possibility, never had the headaches or weakness or other events that accompany weird neurological conditions, but then again, what about those headaches, and do I really know the extent of the weird neurological shit that's out there, what if there's some kind of epilepsy that confines itself to your olfactory bulb? The weirdest thing is how these thoughts affect my conscious experience of walking -- suddenly I begin to notice the motion of the world around my head as I move, and everything feels unsteady. How strange to be the one behind a face, indeed!

---

A young college girl is walking in front of me: short, pleasantly round, wearing butt-hugging jeans and flip-flops. As we pass the new wing of Grainger a long strand of sticky construction tape wanders in front of her feet. I see it, but don't warn her. She gets tangled; stops in surprise; exclaims something, indignant and unsure how to extricate herself. I feel somehow guilty as I speed past her.

---

In the bookstore, a young male clerk is trying to balance several small stuffed animals on his body, and failing miserably. I can't help but laugh at him, but I don't think he sees. I am in the store for maybe seven minutes and at the end of it he is still trying. The young, pretty female clerk at my register is laughing too and I think, Ah, friend, it's working.

---

Heading back I catch a glimpse of the flag over Bascom Hall. The evening light has burnished the white stripes to a tawny gold and fused them with the red, and the resulting impression is one of a small blue square on fire in the sky.

---

As I head west -- there's that smell again. I guess I'm not having a seizure. Must just be one of those land grant things.

Comments

[jpfed.livejournal.com]

This entry is gold.

[ksledgemoore.livejournal.com]

my sister once had a seizure (but not epilepsy) that I witnessed. It was pretty traumatic because it was just the two of us there in manhattan and I didn't really know what a seizure was...I thought she was going to have permanent brain damage or something.

As a result, after learning more about seizures and that they have auras, I ended up with this sort of PTSD situation starting about a week after the incident, and lasting about 2 months. I constantly thought that I or someone around me was about to have a seizure. I kept thinking I was having an aura. When someone else made a jerky motion, I thought they were about to seize. It was especially frightening when someone was driving me, because I was afraid the driver would have one (luckily I was not old enough to have my license yet...that would have been problematic.)

So...I definitely understand the totally irrational belief that you're having an aura! I knew it was irrational at the time and felt like an idiot, but I still couldn't help it....

[eirias.livejournal.com]

Gosh, that's an awful experience, and I can imagine reacting similarly if it were me.

Seizures are fascinating.

[ksledgemoore.livejournal.com]

Well I found out within minutes, really, that she would probably be ok. She didn't remember anything when the seizure was over and didn't know who I was, but within a few minutes she was doing better and the ambulance people assured me that a seizure isn't as bad as I was worried it was. So later that day it was all ok.

The only problem was that I had no idea of how psychology works and I didn't expect to have this lasting reaction to it. In the week before I started the PTSD part I was even thinking, "wow, I've recovered from that event so easily!" but then I had a delayed reaction. Meanwhile, my sister was doing fine! She was feeling so bad about how I had to go through this psychological aftermath.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Wow, that sounds really scary. I wonder how I'd have handled a similar situation, because I do get auras, regularly, part of the migraines I've had all of my life. So, I wonder if I'd freak out whenever I had one or whether I wouldn't because I'd write it off as a migraine, or if I'd always worry about getting a seizure when I'm expecting a migraine.

Fortunately, I do not seem to get seizures and I haven't had any scary experiences with them. Although whenever somebody mentions potentially benign symptoms that could be signs of the serious health problems I have had, I tend to ask for more detail and try to make sure they're okay. I know the odds of it being relevant are minute as many of my problems are really rare, but I still want to make sure people around me are okay from the things I know about.