bicycle burlesque

Last night's entertainment ("The Entertainment," at the High Noon Saloon) was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Local odd-rock musician (Yammer) and sometime-naked-Tevye Jonathan Zarov has a dream of becoming, as his bandmate put it, an "entertainment impresario," so he has been staging variety shows around town. Graham, Aaron, and I went to last night's show, the theme of which was bicycles and why they are cool. The evening began with a bicycle exhibition on the patio and a semi-convincing demonstration of why one ought to wear a bicycle helmet, with the help of gravity and two canteloupes. Then we proceeded indoors, where we were treated to a Yammer performance like no other, with familiar songs whose lyrics had apparently been reworked by some obsessive cyclist. Later performances included some 1950's-esque films depicting the violent death of monkey children who don't obey bicycle safety rules, a pair of keyboardists aiming for a bikey Burt Bacharach and ending up... somewhere else, and (my absolute favorite) a bicycle striptease. This hot chick from the Cherry Pop Tarts came on stage wearing a glittery gold helmet, a bicycle jersey with blinking bosoms and bicycle shorts with a tastefully highlighted crotch. She approached the bicycle, which was attired in a big gold lamé sheet, and proceeded to strip... the bicycle. From the scene of mounting and frotting that followed, one can only guess that she found its naked frame appealing. Indeed, it looked at one point as though she was getting overheated, and she nearly removed her helmet; but then she remembered that that's a big no-no when you're riding a bike... so she took off her clothes instead. Turns out those blinky bosoms were due to an LED-enhanced brassiere. It wasn't a laugh a minute, because they still have some wrinkles to work out in staging and whatnot, and (truth be told) the preachiness got to be a little much at times, even for a non-driver like me; but it was definitely worth the $6 cover.