(no subject)

[eirias]

Inspired by a sex scandal and some conversations elsewhere, here's my first poll. I'm just curious what the norms for these things are in my social group. I'd prefer only people I actually know to fill this out, but I'm leaving it open to all so that you can fill it out anonymously if you choose.

[Poll #451985]

Comments

[ksledge.livejournal.com]

if you're interested, I have opinions on the matter, but I won't fill out the poll because you only want your real friends to.

[eirias.livejournal.com]

Sure, go ahead and respond. I have responses from two *total* strangers skewing my results, and you and I at least have one acquaintance in common at this point! ;) (A friend of yours who RA'd at Penn came to visit UW-Madison this past weekend; she was really cool and had complimentary things to say about you. :) )

[ksledge.livejournal.com]

I just talked to Melissa last night. She's about 95% likely to come to Wisconsin! She absolutely LOVED her time there. I'm so happy for her. I have not yet decided where I will be attending graduate school next year....

I responded to the poll. Basically I said there is no hard-set limit. However, if I had to choose an age, I think people start to get ready for kissing at around 12 (but for some more like 14 or older) and that they start to get ready for sex around 16, but for some more like 20 is a good age. In general, out of the people I know, those who first had sex 14-17ish had MUCH less enjoyable "first time experiences" than those who had sex for the first time when they were 18-23ish.

[eirias.livejournal.com]

That's interesting data - the fact that the 14-17-year-olds you know were less happy about it. I'm all about encouraging people to make choices based on empirical data about what tends to make people happiest - I'm just not convinced that that's what's really behind abstinence-only or abstinence-focused education.

And I'm thrilled that Melissa had such a good time here - it would be awesome to have her come to UW!

Good luck with the grad school decision yourself! - when Melissa said one of her friends had applied to 20ish places, I was like, OK, now that's just total overkill, and then she mentioned it was ~you~ and I thought, Right, with the fiance and the law school, and then 20 places looked less like overkill and more like a prudent but unbelievably painful chore. :/ I hope you guys have matched at some good places!!

[ksledge.livejournal.com]

yeah, abstinence-only/focused education is about religion/morals, etc. It's not about being happy, so kids who are ready (mature, in very serious, monogamous relationships for a long period of time) are still discouraged from having sex, whereas if I were to meet a responsible young couple of high school seniors or whatever in that situation, I'd say go for it (with protection of course!) Most or many of the people who have sex for the first time when they are 14-17 are not in the right relationships. Some of them know they aren't in love but don't think that it's important for having sex, but then after the fact wish they had been in love. Some of them think they are in love but later change their minds about it and wish they hadn't had sex. This is still of course true of older virgins, but more often these older individuals have a more mature outlook on their selves and their relationships.
For the record, I also think that emotional maturity for sex almost always comes after physical maturity.

As for me, yeah, I'm well known in the psychology world now for my over-applying to schools. We are now VERY happy that we applied to so many places. We haven't heard from almost all of the law schools, but we do have one match that is actually my top choice, but it's not near his top choice. So, we're waiting on hearing from the rest of the law schools to see what other matches we get and whether they are better than the one we have already. Luckily I've been aggressive about making decisions and eliminating schools as we get news, because I don't want to be an asshole by applying to so many places (and therefore hanging on to many admissions slots).