(no subject)

[eirias]

Inspired by a sex scandal and some conversations elsewhere, here's my first poll. I'm just curious what the norms for these things are in my social group. I'd prefer only people I actually know to fill this out, but I'm leaving it open to all so that you can fill it out anonymously if you choose.

[Poll #451985]

Comments

[ex-miang438.livejournal.com]

This isn't nec. what you wanted, but I have to leave a comment because my answers won't fit in the text box. x_x Two points for consideration:

1) I answered "no" because a sensible fixed chronological age (whatever that is), biological maturity (puberty), and emotional maturity are not interchangeable and not even simultaneous in many people. Ideally someone should have met all three criteria before becoming sexually active.

2) I think the "bases" notion is kind of antiquated and doesn't really reflect the order in which most people experiment with sex anymore...and it's pretty heteronormative. So even if I were to take a hard-line stance of "no sex before age A", sexuality to me is such a fluid concept that it would be impossible to put age constraints on the various activities individually -- what feels like "okay" vs. "going too far" is going to vary for different people.

[ex-miang438.livejournal.com]

Oh, and just a note for your readership (and you!) -- it's not actually possible to fill out a poll anonymously. Anyone who votes needs to use their LJ account to do so, although I suppose they could create a dummy account just for the purposes of voting in the poll...(seems like a lot of work though!) [See FAQ (http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=69)]

[ksledge.livejournal.com]

if you're interested, I have opinions on the matter, but I won't fill out the poll because you only want your real friends to.

[drspiff.livejournal.com]

I got in two questions and had a problem because I think it's possible that you can agree there is an age where the line is drawn but that it varies with levels of individual developement. i.e. not all 13 year-olds are the same. I'll do my best anyway.

it's home plate not 4th base

[cognative.livejournal.com]

I said yes there is an age. I don't know what it is, and it may vary. So maybe I should have said no. Clearly at some age people aren't really equipped to make good decisions. 9 year olds don't choose what to eat, otherwise it would be all candy and ice cream. That's really my only concern.

Yes the bases is not the best sex metaphor. Although the way I know it is not really heteronormative, but we may know slightly different versions. In college we came up with a much better "dot system" but that's another story...

I'll admit to doing things totally out of order. Pretty much backward. (3,2,1,4 I think).

[kirin]

Ack... Ok, I think I filled it out in the way that will be most useful to you, and I'll elaborate here.

I ended up putting "No", with "People mature at different rates...", though I'd also want to emphasize mental maturity over physical. I also think "make their own decisions" applies, and in fact takes over completely once some (impossible to quantify) baseline of mental maturity is reached.

Given the question's wording, I was tempted to answer "Yes" and select the lowest available age for all other choices, simply because I have never seen and never expect to see a six year old who is mentally and physically prepared for a sexual relationship. But that would be pedantic and skew the averages, so I refrained.

Also, I've never been able to remember what all the bases are anyway.

[darlox.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can answer the poll as stated for two reasons -- one because of the confounding factors that don't lend themselves well to absolutes. Two, because *sheepish look* I can't honestly remember what all the Bases translate to in reality...

I have to comment on the comments -- I've seen the word "Heteronormative" twice in the comments here. Aside from factors such as the gender breakdown of the neighborhood you live in, if you're talking about "playing doctor" after school, I'm curious why anyone would perceive underage sex as a orientation-related issue? Is there an argument that boys might be _ready_ to screw around with other boys at a different age than they would with girls, or vice-versa?

As for the overall question, yes. I think there is a definite age before which nobody should be sexually active, and agree with the earlier poster that drew the analogy that if you let a 9y/o choose their own menu, they'd eat nothing but candy.

I think it's very feasable and reasonable to say that there is a wide range of ages where a kid might be "ready". However, just because they're ready, still doesn't mean it's a good idea based on a zillion other factors. When it comes to restriction of liberties and rights, and penalties therein, I'll fight to the death for anybody who gets smacked down at age 18+ for any civil liberties. (Note, I'm not saying they have no rights... shelter, food, protection from abuse, etc...) However, prior to that, IMHO, kids HAVE no liberties other than the ones they earn through the graces of their parents, and I can't imagine, speaking as a prospective parent, how a preteen/teen could possibly earn the right to be sexually active until they're out of my house, and generally supportive of themselves.

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

Wow, if people say "young people can't know real love" I will have to HIT THEM.

Also, um, er, looking at those ages people specify...um...er...yeah. Oops!